


The Sheriff Gets the Talk

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [51]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: BAMF Sheriff Stilinski, Crack, Drabble, Episode Tag, Excessive Violence, F/M, Fix-It, Humor, M/M, Peter is a creeper, Spoilers: Currents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 22:47:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/892799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel to Danny Gets the Talk in which The Sheriff is me and nothing hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sheriff Gets the Talk

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [The Sheriff Gets the Talk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/935153) by [chatain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatain/pseuds/chatain)



**Sheriff:**  So, basically, you’re all werewolves.

 **Scott:**  Except Stiles.

 **Stiles:**  And Allison and Lydia. But they are just as scary as werewolves.

 **Peter:**  And sexy. Let’s not forget sexy.

 **Sheriff:**  This is the one with all the restraining orders against him, right?

 **Stiles:**  Yup.

 **Sheriff:**  Good.

*BANG*

 **Peter:**  You shot me!

 **Sheriff:**  There was no wolfsbane in it, you big baby. Now, let’s get the creeper in a cell, ring it in mountain ash, and go deal with the rest of this shit. Oh, add some electric fencing and wolfsbane, too. And we’d better get him some bread and water. We may be a while.

*Later. But not much later. The Sheriff is a BAMF*

 **Sheriff:**  Kali, right?

 **Kali:**  Grrrrr.

 **Sheriff:**  Oh good. You see this? This is wolfsbane. And you are going to eat it. You know why? Because I know 38 different ways to…

*a while later*

 **Sheriff:**  I hope you learned your lesson.

*Kali whimpers*

 **Sheriff:**  Good, because NOBODY MAKES MY BOY’S BOO FEEL FEELINGS! HEAR ME?!?

 **Stiles:**  Actually, Derek’s dating—

 **Sheriff:**  Don’t lie to me. Just because I don’t want to hear the details of your kinky yet adorable werewolf threesome doesn’t mean I don’t know that you’re having a kinky yet adorable werewolf threesome.

 **Stiles:**  For the love of God, can we stop saying ‘kinky yet adorable werewolf threesome’?

 **Sheriff:**  Done. So, Kali, where is this Deucalion character?

*Aaaand a little later*

 **Deucalion:**  You shot me!

 **Sheriff:**  You better believe it. Now, how attached are you to your other testicle?

 **Deucalion:**  I’m leaving!

 **Sheriff:**  Good boy. But first go deal with the whole Dark Druid thing. And no funny business. I will know. And you will not be happy.

*Deucalion whimpers*

 **Sheriff:**  Stiles, I need you to bring in those Alpha twins. I’ll question them, figure out whose side they’re on, and deal with them accordingly. ‘Cause honestly, I totally ship Dethan and if that can work out, we should let it.

*And in another part of town*

 **Danny:**  I just had the weirdest dream…

 **Peter:**  I thought I was dreaming too. But them I realised you were just that pretty.

 **Danny:**  GAH! What are you doing here?!?

 **Peter:**  Keeping watch over your perky little ass, of course.

 **Danny:**  Oh my God! Please leave. Now.

 **Peter:**  Alright. But I’ll be back. Do you like your lube plain or flavoured? I have strawberry or—

 **Sheriff:**  NOT SO FAST!

*A little while later*

 **Peter:**  You shot me! Again!

 **Sheriff:**  Oh, suck it up. Guys, put him back in the werewolf-proof cell.

 **Peter:**  But—

 **Sheriff:**  Just stop. Whatever creepy thing you are about to say will not help you. Here, Danny, sign this restraining order, and I’ll let Ethan in to tend adorably to your wounds.

 **Danny:**  I don’t really have any wounds….

 **Sheriff:**  Shhh. Let me ship this while I still can. Now, let’s go see Deaton about that resurrection spell for Boyd and Erica.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Or here. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
